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Experienced people can certainly use training aids. They use them for a specific reason and use them sparingly. I can understand that it is very frustrating, especially if you’ve already had professionals ride her without success (my instructor could get on my horses and make them look like an Olympic competitor LOL).

So if this is the case, you really need to rule out pain by having your saddle fitted, get a chiropractor check her and a equine masseur. Make sure her teeth are up to date and get her vet checked. To make sure she has no other underlying "issues" that might be impeding her ability to collect. Something has to be going on, if several professionals can not even getting her going correctly ;-(

However the question on collection gets asked a lot and I will give you my standard answer to it, it may or may not help The hard work outlined below will take you much longer, but it will avoid reliance on training aids. Many people come on YA stating that they then can not collect without the "tool", because the horse was not truly collected in the first place. I was taught by a grand prix dressage rider. I don’t know your, or your horses levels of fitness, so I have kept it basic

To get your horse "collected" your horse must be truly working on the bit and engaging their hind quarters without false aids. If you pull your horses head in with your hands (I’m not a fan of sea-sawing on a horses mouth or the pulse) when you release the pressure then the horses head pokes back up and out.

You need to drive a horse forward with your seat and legs and maintain a contact on the reins. Think of a tube of cream, if you squeeze without the lid on it will squirt out, if you put the lid on then it will move to the top of the tube and fill the area. But if you close the lid really tight and then squeeze the tube it will explode.

Your horse is the same, if you don’t hold some contact with your reins then when you squeeze she will just go quicker. If you pull her head in and kick hard then his energy will explode out in some way. You need to maintain contact with the reins and apply your seat and legs, get that hind quarter working hard and she will figure out it is much nicer to accept the bit.

With the above I would also assume your horse has a certain level of fitness, it would be very hard for a horse who does not have enough muscle to maintain that position. Think of it like going to the gym for the first time in a year, she will be sore. Do small amounts each ride and build it up.

You can lunge with side reins, but the same applies, start with short sessions and SLOWLY build her up, also start with the side reins quite loose and slowly tighten them until you have her vertical, no more. You also need to lunge in a good working trot so they engage and work properly. The side reins are especially good if you don’t feel you have steady hands, you don’t want to be jagging at her mouth each stride. They are a tool and if used correctly can be kinder than a rider with hard hands.

Just remember the horses hind legs must be working as hard if not harder than the front. Your horse can be round but not be on the bit, you really want your horse on the bit. So this is not about getting your horses head in, it is about making his hind quarters work hard enough. When you get it right your horse will be soft on the reins.

Take it all slowly, if you don’t lay a good foundation, then the house will fall down. You need to have your horse supple and responsive. As to how long it will take, it will depend on her level of fitness and the amount of work you put into her.

Some horses cannot achieve "round" so really having their head vertical can still be on the bit, as long as that hind quarter is working hard enough. You ride with your seat not your hands, when your legs are sore you will be doing it correctly, you will need to condition yourself, just like you will your horses muscles.

Watch a horse lunging with side reins on, they are just tight enough to have the head just before vertical (as above, do it slow). While you lunge, the horse learns to keep her head in just before the bit contact or she is fighting himself. So the same applies to your hands, hold a steady contact, don’t pull or saw, if she wants to fight the bit she is pulling on herself. But you need to have good steady hands.

Without leg pressure the horse would naturally want to stop. So you need to maintain enough pressure with you legs and seat to drive her forward into a working trot that engages the hind quarters. You WILL feel the difference when she is working correctly and your smile will be huge She will be light on the contact and will be working forward from behind.

If you don’t have an instructor already, you will get great benefits from one. They are great at encouraging you to keep working hard. I have an instructor and she has one.. and so on. Sometimes I can only get to a lesson once…..

it should help it always depend on your horse though

Have you tried going to a well known trainer? Honestly that’s the best way. Even if you can only go to a clinic or make it to one lesson a month.

If you are going to use gadgets start by using them while longing and long lining. So she can start to understand what you want from her. I used a stretcher on my pony when teaching him how to come to the contact. I started with it taught at where I wanted him and eased it off and kept making him move forward. After using it on the ground I rode in it very loosely.

It could work.
More likely though, it will either only work when it’s on her AND / OR it will have her over bending and you will end up forcing hyperflexion on her.
Make sure all your tack is fitting correctly. An old friend had problems keeping her gelding with the headset and it turns out it was because the saddle wasn’t fitting properly.

I used to use a german martingale. First I lunged my mare in draw reins before I rode to get the feeling of a head set for a few months. I also rode in a german martingale ever day for a few months. I didn’t just pull on the reins for a head set though, I would use my middle inside finger squeezing the rein and my inside leg to ask my mare to set her head. Then when I took the martingale off she knew the cue, and it still took a few more months to get a nice headset on command, but now she’s got it. it wasn’t a quick thing, but was well worth it.